One Percent at a Time

Jet Lag

2010-05-31T07:38:00.000-07:00

It's one thing to take the red-eye from L.A. to the East Coast. It's a whole different thing to start flying eastward at midnight Central Time and get to Central Asia at dawn 18 hours later--but it's really 29 hours later with the time change.

Our first day here I forced myself to stay awake until the evening, even though I was kind of spacey by dinner time. The line of reasoning was: if I sleep during the day today, I'll be screwed because I'll be awake all night. The problem was that practically no one else did this, so they slept all day and around the time I was going to bed, they were all waking up. I sat up in bed at 11 p.m. and it was like Animal House in the tent--fortunately, I brought Somnitabs along, so with their help and a "lights out" call by the senior NCOs at midnight, I was able to sleep until almost 6 a.m.

I made it through lunch before it hit me again, so I thought, "I'll just take a short nap." Five hours later, I woke up just in time to make it to dinner! Now it's 9 p.m. on Day #2, and I'm already tired again. Good grief. As impatient as I am to get into our area of operations, it's probably a good thing that we get a couple days to rest here before beginning the mission.

God, thanks for this time and the rest. Help us adjust and prepare for the long days ahead. IJNA.

--dmk

Kyrgyzstan

2010-05-30T18:50:00.000-07:00

After nearly five years of waiting, training, praying, and being impatient: at last, I'm deployed in support of Operation Enduring Freedom. It feels good to be with the troops during a time when they will need their God more than ever before. I pray God will use me to serve them well.

It was difficult saying farewell to Addie & Gavin, but as we predicted, things have been easier since we got it over with. I got a few hours' sleep on our eastbound flights spanning 11 time zones, but the jet lag is wearing off as I am slowly able to convince myself what day it actually is.

Currently I find myself in Kyrgyzstan ("keer-gistan") at an American air base. For security reasons, I won't elaborate on the base itself--but I will say that anytime Soldiers get to be on an Air Force base, they're probably living better than they would be on an Army installation. :-)

At some point we will board planes and head to Afghanistan, where things will no doubt be far less serene than they are here. I'm comforted by the assurance of God's presence with us and have been feeling all of the prayers offered on our behalf by our many friends & family.

Likewise, Joshua 1:9 has been a comfort--I have a dog tag with that verse etched on it laced into my right boot, and it will be the Old Testament reading in the first chapel service I give for my troops tonight. "Be strong and courageous, not discouraged or terrified; for I'm with you wherever you go," says God to his people as they prepare to cross the Jordan and enter combat.

Thanks, Lord, for your faithfulness to us--even in the most trying circumstances.

--dmk

Surfing Dreams

2010-05-11T21:13:00.001-07:00

For the past few months, it seems as though I've dreamed about surfing in SoCal almost nightly. The beaches and the surrounding circumstances all differ, but there are a couple of common themes: I'm rushing to get a session in before dark or before the conditions turn bad. And, there always seems to be a really big wave that threatens my safety. Only once or twice perhaps have I actually dreamed that I caught a wave and experienced the bliss that comes with riding one.

I'm no Freudian interpreter of the subconscious strata of the human psyche, but I think the giant waves in these dreams represent my fear that I'm going to be caught off guard by something. In surfing, this kind of event is called a "sneaker set" because an unexpected group of waves "sneaks up" on you in the lineup when you're not paying attention. When that happens, you paddle as hard as you can to make it over the looming crest so you can again rest in safety "on the outside."

In addition, I think the waves represent my fear of being swallowed up and thrust down into an abyss. There were several times during my seminary surfing sessions when I thought I was going to run out of air as I was rag-dolled beneath the surface. The scariest ones were the multiples: when I knew that I'd only have a few seconds to grab another breath before I'd get pummeled by the next wave because I was "caught in the middle" of the set. My fear of the abyss, so to speak, isn't just about drowning (although that's a big one too!), but it's more about being overwhelmed by the circumstances of life which I cannot control.

So, it seems that surfing has become a strange metaphor for my life: even my quietest moments of relaxation are constantly beset by threats of doom lurking nearby, ready to crush me with their unexpected power. Or, at least, so I think they are. There's a pretty good chance, in fact, that those monsters in the closet truly are just figments of my imagination.

I hope and pray that as life goes on, I'll learn to enjoy the moments of solitude, trusting that when they end (even abruptly), God will provide me with the strength I need to continue on. Surely our upcoming deployment to Afghanistan will present me with ample opportunities to feel as though I'm being overwhelmed--but in those moments it is my goal to cry out to God and to allow Him to pull me up from the abyss, because I know that my own strength ultimately fails.

--dmk

To Blog, Or Not to Blog...

2010-05-10T11:25:00.001-07:00

Things have been pretty crazy over the last 10 weeks or so since I posted. (The last month of Chaplain BOLC, graduation and swearing in as a chaplain, moving to Fort Campbell, inprocessing and settling into the new house, preparing for deployment, and finally block leave.)

I've kept up with my daily handwritten journal well, and even Facebook on a regular basis, but I've neglected the blog because I felt like I just wouldn't be able to write about what's been going on because there has just been so much that it's hard to know where to start.

But I figured now, while I've got a bit of a breather before the marathon of the deployment starts in the near future, I should at least give this thing one more try. So, whenever I can, I'll write here to chronicle my deployment as best I can. I hope this will help my handful of beloved readers to have an idea how to pray for me and for our unit as we do our part in the War on Terror.

Instead of recounting every major event of the last two and a half months, suffice it to say that God has "shown up" in some really amazing ways. We got moved safely from South Carolina through Ohio (briefly) and down to Fort Campbell. We were blessed with a house on-post (and it's a field-grade officers' neighborhood at that), and we seem to be a really good "fit" with our unit and with our fellow chaplains and wives. Perhaps the greatest miracle of all has been the timely and accurate pay from Uncle Sam--a subject of much prayer since we basically had to fill a house with furniture that is twice the size of what we lived in during seminary. (Mind you, we brought no furniture with us from California because we had no idea where we'd be living after CH-BOLC!)

Needless to say, we are again humbled by God's provision for us and incredibly grateful to Him for allowing us the time and resources we need in order to prepare for a combat deployment. We asked him six months ago to confirm the call to active duty if that's what He wanted, and He's done just that in dozens of ways. We pray that we will be used for His glory as we begin in this ministry to Soldiers and Families.

Thanks in advance for your thoughts and prayers. We'll take all we can get. Know that you are in ours as well.

More to follow soon.

--dmk

Another Month Bites the Dust

2010-02-28T23:46:00.000-08:00

(It's sad that this is my only effort, but here follows the lone blog entry for the month of February.)

This was a crazy month, but a great one. The bottom line up front is that I've been selected for active duty Army chaplaincy and I will begin serving at Fort Campbell, KY as a battalion chaplain in the 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault) on April 12, just three days after my graduation here at CH-BOLC. I was given this news on February 18th, my 30th birthday.

It's looking like no matter which unit I head to, I'll be deploying to Afghanistan as part of the surge. This is pretty much what I've been hoping for over the last couple of years, so I'm pretty stoked about getting to serve our troops on the front line. At the same time, I confess that I am still trying to find something to worry about, given all that's gone right over the past 3+ months. I fight it, but it's still there. I woke up breathing heavily a couple nights ago after having a dream that I was told I would stay home as the Rear Detachment chaplain. Later that night I woke up in the same state of fear after dreaming that I was punching through the breaking lip of an enormous wave on my surfboard, then looking back through the water and calmly thinking how beautiful it was before being sucked back over the top of the wave and staring at the massive drop below me.

This has been my life: worry, worry, worry. If I'm not worried, then I worry about not being worried. I am determined to overcome this crap by relying on God's power alone to have victory, since I have obviously never been able to fix it myself. And if I can't give God my worries and fears, then how can I spiritually lead a battalion full of Soldiers who have loads of problems?

God, give me the grace, peace, and strength by the power of your Holy Spirit to carry on and overcome everything that is not of you. Thank you for all that you have done and are doing. May you be glorified in this calling, IJNA.

--dmk

Zonk

2010-01-30T03:37:00.001-08:00

Thanks to some horrid weather, our Saturday morning PT was just cancelled. In the Army, this is called a "Zonk" and it is always a blessing to have an extra morning to rest--especially when you expected to be miserable outside for an hour and a half.

CH-BOLC is going well. I can't say enough about our platoon; half of the guys (and our one gal) had never worn the uniform as of three weeks ago today. This includes all four of my squad leaders. Yet somehow, they've all managed to digest a ton of acronyms, regulations, drill and ceremony movements, and other military information. Being a platoon leader is easy when your team is filled with people who really care about doing a stellar job and serving God and Soldiers.

I'm now a week and a half from learning whether I'll return to active duty. I still feel eerily calm and confident about the whole thing. God has provided in so many ways over the last two months that I think it would be a real shame if I didn't feel this way. For once, I feel like I'm actually letting go of the process and giving it to God and saying, "This is not mine to work out." It's immensely freeing. There were a couple moments in the past two weeks when some paperwork glitches hit, and that old part of me kept creeping out saying, "This is it! This is the wrench that's getting thrown in to screw everything up!" But I didn't listen and I prayed and spoke words of confidence in God's plan that we've sensed Him revealing to us.

Although it seemed silly in some ways for me to be required to attend this initial "basic training" phase of CH-BOLC, I'm glad that the Army requires it. Along with the many other prior service folks in our class, I've been able to serve a group of chaplains and candidates by sharing my own experiences in the Army and with chaplains in the past. It's been a great blessing on the receiving end, too, to be around people who genuinely want to serve their God and their Nation. My prayer is that when things get really tough on the battlefield, we will represent our Lord in a way that brings Him honor and glory, and which brings peace and salvation to our troopers and their families.

God of all creation, you've blessed us far beyond what we deserve. Help us, in turn, to bless others in Your Name.

--dmk

Calm Whirlwind

2010-01-18T15:02:00.000-08:00

Once again, I'm way behind in updating here. Things have been hectic, but strangely calm at the same time.

In the past three weeks, I've transitioned from our holiday time with family in Ohio to the Chaplain Basic Officer Leader Course (CH-BOLC) at Fort Jackson, SC. Having completed the first nine of our 90 days of training, I'm stoked to be well underway and that much closer to being out with troops as their chaplain.

We've been blessed with a fully-furnished two-bedroom apartment on post, and Addie & Gavin have been authorized to accompany me during CH-BOLC because of my pending transfer to active duty. Speaking of which, my packet has been completed for the DA chaplain board which will meet next month from 09-10 FEB to decide whether I will be accepted back onto active duty. I feel a calm confidence about the board; I know I've done all I can to put my best foot forward, and all I can do at this point is trust the Lord with it.

Assuming I'm accepted as an active duty chaplain, there's a strong chance that I'll be stationed back at Fort Campbell this spring once I've finished CH-BOLC. That could mean a deployment; but, anywhere I get stationed could mean a deployment. So, either way, we're prepared to follow where God leads. I would think it quite strange for God to have opened so many doors for us to go in that direction and not have it actually happen, but I can honestly say that I have a real abiding peace about the whole thing. It's out of my hands and in His--what more do I need?

Now that our first week of inprocessing is complete--with all its requisite paperwork and medical/dental screenings, etc.--the training can begin in earnest tomorrow. This week, we'll be negotiating a confidence course as a platoon (probably involving high ropes and/or obstacles that require teamwork), the infamous gas chamber (which is always a great time of watching each other blowing yard-long mucus streaks from our noses), and other blocks of instruction in the classroom and motorpool.

I've been blessed to be selected as the platoon leader for 4th platoon, and our regimental affiliation is with the 7th Cavalry, "Garry Owen", one of the most decorated and famous regiments in the Army's history. We've been memorizing the regiment's song, along with the Army Song, the Chaplaincy Song, the Soldiers' Creed, and a bunch of other stuff that I'm probably forgetting to mention. I have a tremendous amount of respect for my classmates who have never worn the uniform until this past week--they're doing a fantastic job of "drinking from the fire hose" and learning weeks' worth of basic training skills in just days. The transition from civilian to Soldier is not an easy one, especially when you're used to being a pastor in the local church! Please keep all of our students in your prayers as we prepare to serve Soldiers and Families as chaplains. And, pray for our students' spouses and families who will also serve.

I had the honor and privilege of attending my first Eastern Orthodox liturgy yesterday with a fellow platoon member who happened to be stationed at Fort Campbell at the same time as I was. The liturgy was beautiful and I was again reminded of how God's Church is a rich tapestry of different traditions who are united in the name of Christ by the power of the Holy Spirit for the glory of God the Father. I am so thankful to Him for bringing us here and for providing for us in such unexpected and tremendous ways--especially with the people we're being blessed with getting to know during this preparatory phase before we go out into the "real Army" with a unit.

God, continue to pour your grace upon us, and help us to always remember how totally in need of you we really are. Bless my brothers and sisters in uniform, and help me to serve them and set the best example I can with your help. Be especially with our chaplains and troopers who are deployed to Haiti and across the globe tonight. Be with those who are suffering, and may the light of Christ shine, even in the midst of the hopeless darkness of the earthquake's aftermath. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

--dmk

All Quiet on the Eastern Front

2009-12-27T17:02:00.001-08:00

After an autumn of incredible activity. things are eerily quiet for the Krull clan.

We successfully moved all of our belongings and ourselves safely across the country from Los Angeles to Southeastern Ohio, and we've been enjoying the company of family for the past week.

For nearly three years, I had three jobs and a constant barrage of tasks for seminary, church, and the Army. Now all I have to do is get ready for chaplain training next month, and my mind is in "seek" mode for something to stew about.

God is so good, though. He has come through even more tremendously since my last post over three weeks ago. To name just two things: my sister in-law Peggy is 100% cancer-free, an answer to many, many prayers throughout the family this fall. And, the administrative stuff with the Army continues to hum along for my active duty packet and our preparations for CH-BOLC.

We remain grateful to God for all He does, but most importantly for His Son Jesus Christ, who has the victory in our lives over the sin that could hold us down. Merry Christmas, indeed.

--dmk

When God Is In It...

2009-12-02T23:28:00.000-08:00

The last three weeks have been a whirlwind. So much has been going on that it has taken most of our time and energy just to keep up with everything, leaving little leftovers for this blog.

So, here's the executive summary:

1) In mid-November, I sent up a packet to National Guard Bureau (NGB) to petition to become a NG chaplain. This packet was promptly kicked back for some stupid administrative stuff--typical for an Army board, but not a show-stopper or anything. However, I had also heard from the State Chaplain's office recently that they did not have any units deploying in mid-2010 from California, so I decided it was time to at least check out if an active transfer was possible. (I had told the State Chaplain I'd stick around for a CA-ARNG deployment if one was available following my Chaplain Basic Officer Leader Course graduation in April 2010.)

2) When I called the active duty recruiter, I pretty much knew right away that this was the direction we are supposed to go. It just made sense, and it felt right on so many levels, and there was a peace that surpasses all understanding guarding my heart and mind over the next week. Within a week, I had received the State Chaplain's support, and within two weeks, I had built most of the packet for the active duty board, which will take place in February 2010. The best news of all is that the State Chaplain didn't say anything about removing me from my slot for the January 2010 CH-BOLC course which I'm already enrolled in. That means I won't have to be unemployed during my transfer to active duty and we can have a smoother transition.

3) The only negative to the active duty route is that I'll have to repay some tuition assistance I've been receiving from the National Guard over the last three years, and perhaps also my bonus. However, we feel that it's God's money anyway, so if He's calling us back to active duty, then we'll pay whatever we're required to pay. (Even if it is completely asinine for the government to act like I'm not serving them either way: it's just a classic "pot of money" issue where NGB tries to keep people in their ranks by obligating them with the money they've given.)

4) We have seen God come through in lightning speed on multiple major paperwork hurdles and other administrative actions which normally would take months to get accomplished. From my endorser at the Church of God's full support in re-endorsing me for active duty (after he had just endorsed me for the NG a couple weeks prior), to the State Chaplain giving his support to my transfer, to my orders for CH-BOLC being published on time, and on the list goes: it has been amazing to witness God working and confirming the path which He revealed to me in that phone call with the active duty recruiter.

I feel like this summary does little justice to the sheer magnitude of what's happened in the last three weeks, but that's about all I've got right now. I'd better get to studying for my Arabic final tomorrow, which is one of the final hurdles to clear at Fuller. (And that's another praise: my grade went from a D to a B in the last three weeks, and I'm sure I'll pass the course because our instructor told us that he's probably going to throw out the test scores anyway since he thinks we're all doing much better than our grades reflect.)

The bottom line is that when God is in something, you just know that you know that you know. It is so wonderful to have this question resolved after 18+ months of struggling with it. Glory to Him!

God, thanks for everything. You are awesome. We give you glory, honor and praise through Your Son Jesus Christ in the power of His Spirit. Amen.

--dmk

A Boost

2009-11-13T23:15:00.000-08:00

Tonight I felt a boost of motivation and encouragement during my Arabic homework, and I am convinced it is the result of the many people who are praying for me. I am so grateful for this support from my family in Christ.

--dmk

Ordained, Endorsed, But Arabic-ed Under

2009-11-12T00:19:00.000-08:00

Things have not slowed down, even after my ordination on the first of this month. Immediately following that weekend was a three-day National Guard weekend (including my first wedding as a pastor in the middle of it). And, in the midst of all of this, I was able to secure an endorsement from the Church of God for Army chaplaincy, which is the final piece of paper I need to submit my packet to the National Guard to become a full chaplain. So much paperwork, so little time.

In addition, I preached this morning in my preaching practicum--one of five sermons I'm giving this month for church and seminary. As if that wasn't enough, I've also got traffic school all day this coming Saturday thanks to a speeding ticket a couple months ago. Most importantly, failing my first Arabic exam of the quarter has created more stress than anything. I've really been in "ping mode" ever since getting that exam back last week. Now we have another one tomorrow morning and after just three hours of studying tonight, I feel like my brain is overloaded.

I suppose I should say that I've *allowed* the Arabic situation to create the most stress. In the end, I'm choosing to ping--I know this. But I really, really, really need to pass this class so that when we move back East, I'll be totally finished. Not to mention that I won't have to pay back GI Bill money for the quarter, and not to mention that I won't have to take another class online this winter to finish my degree while I'm at my chaplain training at Ft. Jackson. Sigh.

I know that this will work itself out, but it is very stressful. I can't remember the last time I failed any test at any level of school, and I feel like I picked a heckuva bad time to start. The glimmer of hope in all of this is that I had a very high failing grade compared to many others in the class, so I'm hoping our professor will curve the grades up and I'll be in the passing range. Ideally, however, I'd like to not have to rely on a curve or on a professor's mercy for my ticket to graduation. I'd rather just earn it outright. Three more tests in the next three weeks; almost done...almost done.

Anyway, I am once again having to learn to trust God in all of this, and perhaps the lesson I'm supposed to learn from this final period of seminary drama is that I always need God, no matter what. No matter the circumstances in life, I should never take Him for granted. And, whining about things like this doesn't do much good, either. It'd be much better if I spent my time praising God for all that He has done and all that we know He is doing and is going to do.

Father God, help us get through these last 32 days. And, please help me pass this class so we can get on with whatever it is that you have for us next year in the chaplaincy. We trust you; what other choice do we have? Thank you for the solution that you already have in store for us. IJNA.

--dmk

Back into Battle

2009-11-05T01:44:00.000-08:00

Here's an article I wrote for next week's issue of the SEMI, our campus newspaper.

--dmk

----------------

BACK INTO BATTLE
by Dana Michael Krull
Captain, U.S. Army Chaplain Candidate

Those who have seen war firsthand know that it is the greatest tragedy in humanity’s fallen existence. After all, what could be worse than people who are made in God’s image destroying one another? My experience as a young rifle platoon leader in Iraq in 2003 quickly stripped me of any notion that war is somehow glorious and noble: I discovered instead that it is ugly, brutal, unforgiving, and terribly stark. At the same time, I have never been quite so alive as those months when death could have come at any moment, and it was also in that darkness when I saw a deeper love at work in our platoon than in any other time or place in my life. For these reasons, I’ve longed to return to the battlefield, as strange or objectionable as that may seem to some of the folks who read this on our safe and serene campus.

More importantly, however, I find myself drawn back towards combat because of the call which God placed on my life in 2005. After suffering a heat stroke on a morning run at Fort Campbell, Kentucky and nearly dying, my commanders wisely held me back from a second trip to the Middle East. Heartbroken at watching plane after plane full of my brothers and sisters going into harm’s way while I stayed safe, I was left home with the difficult task of caring for my unit’s families and the casualties who would (and did) return from the battlefield. During that long and gut wrenching year, I ministered to soldiers and their loved ones in some of the most difficult circumstances imaginable, and it wasn’t long before I discovered that I was a good infantry officer, but a much better chaplain. Simultaneously, our little church off the base was in between pastors and they asked me to preach a few times. When the new pastor arrived, he sensed my calling and helped me to discern a path forward into full-time ministry.

Three years after leaving active duty to begin the M.Div program at Fuller, I now find myself on the cusp of a likely deployment to combat in 2010, only this time as a non-combatant who will be armed only with the sword of the Spirit (and, thankfully, a chaplain assistant who carries a rifle). I wish I could tell you that after 16 quarters of classes, $50,000 of tuition and fees, and countless papers on all things theological, I have all the answers about God, war, and us. But I’m not at all surprised that I can’t: I chose Fuller precisely because it would teach me how to think and ask the right questions, not what to think about a list of questions handed to me by a faculty of self-righteous academics in the Ivory Tower.

Don’t get me wrong. My wife could tell you how seemingly every day I’ve lamented not “taking the blue pill” and going to a seminary that would tell me what I’m supposed to think and why. Many times, I’ve felt like my calling would have been much easier that way. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned about combat, both on the battlefield and the home-front, it’s that all the things you think you know about God and the world can pretty much get thrown (or blown) out the window in the blink of an eye. So, in the long run, I know that I’m far better equipped to help our troops wrestle with their deepest questions about God in the midst of the “fog of war” thanks to Fuller’s kaleidoscopic community where asking questions is simply standard operating procedure.

All I really endeavor to know at this point in my journey is “Christ and him crucified” (1 Cor. 2:2) and that God has called me to take the Gospel to the soldiers and families of the United States Army. It has been these two things which have carried me through seminary, with all its dark nights of the soul, and no doubt it will be these two things which likewise get me through whatever distant battlefields may hold for me in 2010 and beyond. The luxury of being a soldier is that you don’t debate policy, you execute policy; when given an order, you salute and comply with it. Similarly, as a soldier in God’s army, we are called to go where he directs and to do what he says, regardless. In my case this means being in uniform alongside the men and women who are carrying out our Nation’s foreign policy and sharing with them the good news of the God who created them, loves them, and wants to redeem them through his son.

I was honored when the SEMI asked me to write this article and share my perspective on the war in Afghanistan as an aspiring chaplain. I tried for days to craft a nuanced essay which would brilliantly merge politics, tactics, and theology. Alas, all I could muster was this reflection on the fact that the more I learn, the less I know. Fortunately, the one thing I know for sure is that God is calling me back to combat, so whether the present war is right or wrong, I will love the people who fight it and by the power of God’s Spirit, I will serve them with the same love Christ has shown to me.

Fits and Starts

2009-10-20T14:47:00.000-07:00

Once again, my blogging has come in fits and starts. After a blogtastic September, I'm not feeling inspired to write much here. I've been keeping up with my daily handwritten journal (over 90 days straight now) and updating Facebook pretty regularly. So why do I feel a kind of obligation to write here? I suppose I'll have to answer that question some other day, because I just don't have it in me this afternoon.

For now, a brief update on my Army process: got a call today from the recruiter who is handling my packet to transfer to being a full chaplain from being just a candidate. He said he should be able to get me into the December boards which will finalize the transfer. The catch is that I have to physically appear at a board in Sacramento just days before finishing seminary and departing for our cross-country trek to Ohio for the holidays. Hooray, another hoop to be jumped through.

55 days.

--dmk

The Brakes

2009-10-08T19:16:00.000-07:00

Once in a while, even for a Type-A guy like me, it becomes painfully apparent that the brakes need to be applied on the schedule. This is one of those times.

During the spring quarter, I scheduled two events for the upcoming week. First, my best buddy from high school, Sriram, is getting married in Florida. Second, upon returning from said wedding, I would attend a preaching conference with world-renowned preacher and former U.S. Senate chaplain Lloyd Ogilvie.

However, given that Addie now has a lot of homework herself, in addition to my continuing need for many hours each week to study and prepare for upcoming sermons, speeches, and tests, I found it necessary to cancel the preaching conference. I think this will help us get settled into the quarter next week after a hectic first couple of weeks this fall.

I hope and pray that I'll be able to continue slowing down wherever I can so that I don't add more stress into our family than there needs to be. The white space on the calendar just seems to get the better of me and I can't resist plugging things in there so that I feel like I'm being busy and productive. Somehow I have to learn that busy-ness doesn't necessarily equal productivity.

Lord, help me (and our family) to abide in you and to find ways to slow down so that we can do a good job with a more reasonable load on our plates. IJNA.

--dmk

Getting Caught Up

2009-10-04T23:46:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in several days because they've been quite busy with getting into the swing of the fall quarter and a National Guard weekend (including an 800-mile round trip to Sacramento for my final chaplain interview and a routine health assessment).

In fact, now that I'm sitting down to type some reflections on all that's happening, I can't really remember what it is that I've been meaning to comment on! If it weren't so late already, maybe I'd take the time and make the effort to recount all that's happened.

For now, however, I think I'll get some rest in advance of the busy week ahead. Men's breakfast in the morning with Gavin and the guys, followed by homework, sermon preparation (which is homework too), and catching up on chores and PT. Hooray.

--dmk

Ordination: Approved

2009-09-29T17:46:00.000-07:00

The last step in the ordination process before actually being ordained took place today: I was presented to the pastors of our district (Southern California & Southern Nevada) and gave my testimony. At the recommendation of my credentials committee, the pastors voted to approve my ordination.

So, everything is set for November 1st. We're quite excited about the service and getting to see all of our loved ones in the same place at the same time. It should be quite an evening!

God, thanks for carrying us through.

--dmk

A Very "West L.A." Day

2009-09-28T20:47:00.000-07:00

After Men's Breakfast with Gavin and the guys this morning, I took off for County Line Beach, which is just outside the west edge of Malibu and just inside Ventura County. I surfed for about an hour and a half and then I took the scenic route back down the PCH. I decided to extend my scenic tour of the West Side by heading down Sunset Boulevard through Brentwood, Bel Air, and Beverly Hills and was again stunned by how much money there is in L.A.

I had a ticket to see Craig Ferguson on the Late Late Show at the CBS Studios, so I stopped off in Hollywood for a few hours to wait in line and enjoy the taping. It was pretty hilarious and well worth the time; another block checked off on my California To-Do List. A great final day of summer before the fall quarter kicks off this week.

Lord, thanks for a really fun day. IJNA.

--dmk

The Man Cave Lives On

2009-09-26T22:21:00.000-07:00

I thought that the Man Cave (i.e. our garage which has long doubled as my study area) was to be no more once we held our yard sale (a.k.a. "Krullapalooza 2009", or, alternatively: "Krullmart").

But, alas, the Cave has gained new life tonight as I finalize preparations for my sermon tomorrow morning. Now that Addie is a student too, she's working late into the evening inside the house, and I've never been able to study around her (or anyone else, for that matter). So, I escaped a while ago to work on my sermon in solitude--well, almost I guess, since Buddy always joins me.

My new "desk" consists of a grungy left-over plastic table (which didn't sell at the yard sale) and an old dilapidated chair which we found on the back patio when we moved in nearly three years ago. Thankfully, I saved a desk lamp and a radio so I have a bit of the old feeling left. And, I left up one string of Christmas lights, so there's still some of the old "college dorm room" ambiance.

I'm glad I've got 10 more weeks to enjoy my Cave where so many papers have been written and so many sermons have been rehearsed over the last 2.5 years. Not to mention all the naps in the papasan chair, or even the floor!

--dmk

Fever

2009-09-24T20:53:00.001-07:00

Fevers are not fun, of course. But they're especially irritating when they won't make up their mind whether to stay or to go.

I hope that this thing finally breaks overnight so I can get some work done on the sermon for this Sunday.

The good news is that I don't have class this week, so if I had to get sick, this was the time to do it.

--dmk

Neighbors, Cars, and Trust

2009-09-23T14:20:00.000-07:00

Thank God for our neighbor Bill. He is one of the many ways God has provided for us during our time during seminary.

My car, a '98 Saturn SL2 which we bought to be an "in-and-around-town" ride for me to free up the SUV for Addie and Gavin, has been requiring a lot of maintenance lately. This is frustrating because we are planning to get rid of it before we leave at the end of the fall quarter.

However, this time I didn't have to drive it all the way across town to our mechanic (who is great, and another way God has provided for us--don't get me wrong). Thanks to Bill's expertise and willingness to get a little dirty, we figured out that it was a bad tensioner on the belt, which had come loose last week with an alarming amount of noise under the hood. So, I got to learn how to replace a new piece of equipment on an engine, and we had an excuse to buy Bill lunch.

And, we have yet another example of how we should continue to trust in God to meet our needs, regardless of where the road leads us in ministry next year.

God, thanks so much for the great people you've blessed us with here during seminary. IJNA.

--dmk

The California To-Do List

2009-09-22T10:07:00.000-07:00

Given that I have little going on this week, I'm turning to our long-neglected "California To-Do List" for something to keep me occupied. This list consists of all the things we've been meaning to do over the last three years but just haven't made the time for. Most of it is just touristy stuff, like seeing The Price is Right, The Tonight Show, and a Dodgers or an Angels game.

This is indeed a very strange time, when there aren't 100 things pressing for my attention.

Well, off I go to make some more reservations! (Gotta fill up that white space on the calendar with something...right?)

--dmk

Something to Worry About

2009-09-20T21:23:00.000-07:00

I don't deal well with periods of no stress. In times like these, my mind goes into "search mode" to find something for me to stew on.

There are many options, of course. I could keep fuming about the Chase Bank branch up the street which wouldn't break a $50 bill for me on Friday before our yard sale because I'm not a customer--sounds stupid, but given that they took billions of taxpayer dollars in bailout money, I think I should qualify to at least get some tens, fives, and ones in an even trade. Or, I could sweat the Army chaplain board process which will no doubt have its bumps this fall. I could also worry about how we don't know where we'll be in 7 months or where I'll serve as a chaplain.

Or, I can just trust God and know that He is going to work through all of the twists and turns. He didn't bring us this far to just let it all flop now. I'm sure there will be plenty to worry about soon, but my hope and prayer is that I can learn to just be OK until then, and to not really worry when the true times of stress come again, as they always do. For now--this 1% of my life--there's nothing but time to enjoy with my wife, son, family, and friends. And to be thankful for it.

--dmk

Yard Sale

2009-09-19T22:46:00.000-07:00

Many months of preparation paid off today. We had the biggest and best yard sale in our history as a family, and what a relief it is. Finally, there's room to maneuver in the garage and get our packed boxes sorted for the move. This was the last major "to-do" item on the summer calendar, so it's kind of strange to be thinking about the fall and the fact that seminary is really almost over.

Thanks, Lord, for a great sale with nice customers and for all the little ways you showed up and blessed us. Thanks especially for our wonderful neighbors and friends who came by to help. Bless them in turn as well. IJNA.

--dmk

Krulls Worldwide

2009-09-18T00:43:00.000-07:00

A week of not getting called into jury duty leads to even more daydreaming than usual, and somewhere along the way I concocted the idea to create a Facebook group called "Krulls Worldwide" to see how many Krulls I can find. I thought it'd be fun to see who comes out of the woodwork across the globe.

Just a simple Google search reveals thousands of links for our family's name--including the 1983 movie and its related video, card, and even pinball games; a death-metal band in Canada; people and places of interest from the U.S. to Europe to South Africa; and much more. I've always been fascinated by our name and wanted to learn more about my heritage, so this should be fun!

I'm also putting a whopping $10 into a Facebook Ad to see if I can get some folks to click on the ad and check out the page. I'm hoping that after a few folks join up, they'll let all their fellow Krulls know about it and the group will grow on its own after my humble "seed" money runs out in 10 days. Should be interesting to see if this idea has legs.

"Krulls, unite!" There's a lot more to our name than just a "B" fantasy movie.

--dmk

Waiting on the World to Change

2009-09-17T20:46:00.000-07:00

I finally broke down and bought John Mayer's latest album, "Continuum." I've been a big fan of his ever since I saw him the first time on Leno in early 2002. And, in the fall of 2002 when Addie and I started dating, we both were in a big John Mayer phase, so his music always reminds me of good times.

I waited for a long time to buy this album because the first song, "Waiting on the World to Change," really bothered me (even though I loved it musically from the first time I heard it). The song is all about how our generation is misunderstood as being a bunch of slackers who don't care about the world, and how we choose to stay on the sidelines because we feel like it's futile to even try to break through the system:

"Waiting On The World To Change", by John Mayer (on: "Continuum")

Me and all my friends
We're all misunderstood
They say we stand for nothing and
There's no way we ever could

Now we see everything that's going wrong
With the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don't have the means
To rise above and beat it

So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

It's hard to beat the system
When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change

Now if we had the power
To bring our neighbors home from war
They would have never missed a Christmas
No more ribbons on their door
And when you trust your television
What you get is what you got
Cause when they own the information oh
They can bend it all they want

That's why we're waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

It's not that we don't care
We just know that the fight ain't fair
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

I don't like this because I know it's true about us 20 and 30-somethings. And, it's true even about me--the guy who grew up with dreams of going to Washington and being someone who wouldn't be corrupted by the system. I still have those dreams, but the plot has thickened considerably now that I'm almost an ordained pastor who will soon have a Master of Divinity, which I think will automatically "brand" me a certain way if I ever go into politics. (At least, it would take a lot of work to show folks that I'm not necessarily another Mike Huckabee--not that I don't like Huck, mind you, but I just don't want people to make assumptions about me because of some letters and titles attached to my name.)

So, I guess I have a choice to make, whether I choose to enter the political fray at some point or not: am I going to just wait on the world to change, thinking that I can't "beat the system," or will I do the best I can with the time and talents I have, regardless of the outcome? It's so easy to look at the deck which is stacked against us and allow apathy to have the easy victory--and it's so hard to think about entering public life knowing that you and your family are going to be put under a microscope, and every Facebook post, Tweet, blog entry, and government form you've ever signed will be scrutinized by an army of lawyers, pundits, and reporters.

Alas, I find myself once again wondering about things that are far beyond my present 1% of life. No matter, it's OK to ponder these things in the future, as long as they don't consume me. I know God is going to use our family for some purpose before we head Home--whether that is in an elected public office or a military unit or a humble local church.

I hope that wherever I go in life, and whatever I do, that it will make a difference not only for the people around me, but more importantly for God's Kingdom. And, I hope that I'll have the courage to do what is right in the Lord's eyes, regardless of the consequences for my reputation in others' eyes. In the end, I have to remember that I'm going to have enemies regardless of what path we end up pursuing. This is hard for a people-pleaser like me to come to terms with, but indeed "all things are possible" with Christ as my Lord.

--dmk

Symmetry

2009-09-16T15:23:00.001-07:00

True to form, I used my errand in Orange County this morning as an excuse to throw the board in the car and paddle out for an hour at Sunset Beach before my appointment. It was a great session; very laid back with only a few guys out. In fact, I got there just as all the blond-haired OC high school kids were leaving for school. (Always nice to surf after they leave because they're all 100 times better than I am and it makes me feel like a schmuck!) The best part was that I had a dream last night that I caught a good wave and this morning it came true. An incredible feeling.

As is my custom, once I finally got out of the water, I scoured the shoreline for a memento of the beach to add to my collection (I think I have a rock from a dozen or so beaches from California now). Usually, I just pick a rock that looks cool and I write on one side of it the beach's name and the month when I surfed there. This time, however, there weren't any rocks at all. Instead, I found an abundance of shell fragments, so I brought this one home:

I'm not a great photographer, so this image doesn't capture the texture of the shell shard very well, but you can at least see the grooves that are curved, as though this piece once made up part of some giant set of rings. I was intrigued by this ordinary shell because I was watching "The Universe" on the History Channel last night and they were talking about how the planets all have rings--even Earth, with its manmade ring of hundreds of satellites and other debris which we've deposited there over the last half century. Our moon itself is also apparently the result of the clumping up of rocks that once comprised a giant ring system around our planet which was even more spectacular than that of Saturn itself.

There's something about holding this tiny, porcelain-like shard of a shell in my hand and rubbing the grooves between my thumb and index finger that gives me a real sense of peace. Almost as if there's an underlying order and structure in even the most chaotic places--even where waves beat endlessly against the shore at high tide in Orange County.

Even more captivating is this sand dollar which I found while running one morning at my favorite beach, El Porto, which is near LAX in the South Bay of Los Angeles County:

To put it simply, I have never, ever in my life seen or felt something as beautiful and perfectly symmetrical as this sand dollar. Of course, it's not "perfect-perfect": there are minor deviations from one side to the other, but it's still just plain perfect. It gives me the willies to hold this thing because it is so light, thin, and delicate in its minute texture; but at the same time, it had to withstand the brutal action of the tides and avoid all kinds of dangers to end up lying out in my path while I was running down the beach one morning before a surf session.

The willies are, of course, good in this case; there is a sense of eternity itself in holding this wonderful work by our God who is obviously an artist at heart, from the cosmic to the coastal. Our God cared enough about this sand dollar to give it the ability to survive the perilous waves, but even more astonishing to me is the fact that he cared enough about me to give me the ability to wonder at the beauty of what He made. I'm not one to make arguments for God through Intelligent-Design-style apologetics anymore (e.g., "How could this thing design itself?" or "What are the odds of me picking up *this* sand dollar?!" etc.). But I just continue to find that there are experiences in life when I for one just can't deny God.

Glory to you, Almighty God, who made the planets and the waves and the sand dollars...and me.

--dmk

Four Days Down

2009-09-15T23:57:00.001-07:00

Well, I've made it through until Friday on jury duty. Thanks to the State's inability to pay for pretty much anything these days, court is not in session tomorrow, and my nightly phone call tonight revealed that I'm not required to show up Thursday either.

My desire to experience voir dire is quickly being overcome by my desire to have Friday to finish preparations for our mega-yard sale on Saturday. We've been preparing for this thing for many months and I'm hopeful that we can unload a great deal of our junk. All the stuff that isn't sold will probably go straight to Goodwill anyway, so either way, Saturday will be a great day when literally half of the garage is emptied out.

Sad news today came through my friend and former PSG, SGM Geressy. Another officer who served with us at Ft. Campbell in the Rakkasans, Adam Stead, was seriously wounded by a bullet to the head in Afghanistan last week while he was flying a Kiowa helicopter in support of ground troops who were in contact with the enemy. Currently Adam is fighting for his life at Bethesda NMC in Maryland.

I didn't know Adam well, but I knew him well enough to know that he is a class act and a stellar Soldier. And, upon learning that he now has a wife and young child, this news has hit me in the gut even harder. We all know the risks involved, but man, this time around if/when I go back to combat, the stakes are so much higher with a wife and young son of my own.

God, please wrap your arms around Adam and his family to comfort them the way that only you can in a situation like this one. I ask that you heal him, God, for your glory, and for the sake of his young wife and child who need him. In Jesus Name, Amen.

--dmk

Habel Habalim! (Or, "Thoughts on Futility")

2009-09-14T09:21:00.000-07:00

Ecclesiastes 1:2 (JPS)

הֲבֵ֤ל הֲבָלִים֙ אָמַ֣ר קֹהֶ֔לֶת הֲבֵ֥ל הֲבָלִ֖ים הַכֹּ֥ל הָֽבֶל

(hăḇēl hăḇālîm ’āmar qōheleṯ hăḇēl hăḇālîm hakōl hāḇel)

(Utter futility!--said Koheleth--Utter futility! All is futile!)

I've been reading the Book of Ecclesiastes lately in my Tanakh (i.e., what we Christians would call the "Old Testament" in its original Hebrew). I've found great value in learning the rudiments of biblical Hebrew for many reasons, and one of the main ones is that you can really get a sense for how the text was meant to roll off the reader's tongue as it was read aloud to God's people.

I think this can really add to our experience of God's word, and I find this verse in particular to be one of those places in Hebrew Scripture. Sure, the English translation still communicates the sense of the text, but it just loses some of the deeper flavor and beauty of the original writer. (Try saying it aloud yourself with this punctuation: "Habel habalim, amar koheleth--habel habalim...hakol habel!")

Ecclesiastes has become my favorite book during seminary not just for its linguistic beauty, but also primarily because it is all about the pointlessness of the pursuit of knowledge, wisdom and riches. Today the last verse of Chapter 1 really jumped out at me in this regard:

Ecclesiastes 1:18 (JPS)

כִּ֛י בְּרֹ֥ב חָכְמָ֖ה רָב־כָּ֑עַס וְיוֹסִ֥יף דַּ֖עַת יוֹסִ֥יף מַכְאֽוֹב

(kî bərōḇ ḥāḵəmâ rāḇ-kā‘as wəywōsîf d^a‘aṯ ywōsîf maḵə’wōḇ)

(For as wisdom grows, vexation grows; to increase learning is to increase heartache.)

Yep, that pretty much sums up seminary for me!

Thanks to this verse, now I can put biblical (and Hebrew!) words to the angst that has been coagulating in my spiritual arteries over the last three years. "Habel habalim" indeed...what a cool language. Go ahead and say it: I'm a linguistic geek. I know this already; there's nothing else to call someone who uses up half of his electives in seminary to hone his skills in Greek, Latin, and Arabic above what the degree program requires. Here's to the hope that those five thousand dollars pay off in some way, shape, or form!

Since passing my Hebrew intensive class this past winter quarter, I've tried to ensure that I don't lose my ability to at least read the text aloud and work with the lexicon to get a deeper sense of what's going on in these beautiful, ancient revelations of God's word to his people. My three-part sermon series on the Book of Habakkuk this summer helped a great deal with this goal, but I'll be taking Arabic this fall for my final elective in seminary, so I'm worried about neglecting Hebrew, even though Arabic is one of its linguistic relatives. Plus, I'll be preaching through 1 Peter at church, which means my Greek skills will be maintained, but also increases the odds that Hebrew may get ignored for a while.

So, my plan is to spend my personal time with God this fall in reading a few verses of the Tanakh alongside the JPS (Jewish Publication Society) translation into English. In addition to maintaining Hebrew skills, I hope that this will give me more of a "Jewish" eye to the text and serve as a much-needed reminder that the Jews have been God's people for a long time before we Gentiles were grafted into the Abrahamic covenant through Christ.

God, thanks for the language of your people. But, I thank you even more that your Word transcends all languages and that people from all nations and tongues can come into a relationship with you through your Son Jesus Christ. And, I thank you that even though all this time, money, and heartache during seminary has felt like utter futility at times, I can still have an inexplicable assurance that you're going to do something great with it for your Kingdom through our family. We know that you have a plan for us, and we can't wait to see what it is.

--dmk

Mr. Mom

2009-09-14T08:58:00.000-07:00

Although I have jury duty this week, I don't have any classwork or papers or anything academic whatsoever to do for the next two weeks until the fall quarter begins. Even then, it's going to be a really light load, so for this "Type-A" ball of energy, periods like this are actually a challenge.

I'm already getting fidgety, and it's only the first morning. Fortunately, I have the Gavinator to keep me occupied this fall...I'll truly be a "Mr. Mom" while Addie is getting her online classwork done. Sure, I'll still have some classes of my own to work on, but by and large, this quarter is a time for us to reverse roles a bit and help Addie transition back into being the student.

I love hanging out with Gavin. Aside from the obvious joy of being with your child, it gives me more confidence in myself as a parent to be alone with Gavin, even for a short trip across town to run an errand. This morning, Gav and I went to our congregation's men's breakfast, the only thing that I've done essentially every week in SoCal except for Sunday church service itself. The guys (and the restaurant staff) all love having him there, and it really is our "guy time" together.

I'm so thankful for these few months to spend a lot of time with my son before things change in a big way next year; regardless of where we go or what we do, it probably won't be as calm as it is here right now, and surely I won't be blessed with as much time to invest in my relationships in our family. So, I'm going to really take full advantage of this period and enjoy every minute I have with Gavin and his Mom.

Speaking of Addie, I'm going to try my best to serve her with the same kind of dedication that she has shown so consistently to me over the last three years during our time in seminary. I've gotten really spoiled by all that she does, so I hope and pray that I can return this love to her.

--dmk

Good News Indeed

2009-09-13T17:05:00.000-07:00

This weekend I made the rounds to the five armories of 1/160 Infantry, a National Guard battalion that I've been visiting off and on for the past 13 months. It was good to be out with the guys and spend time getting caught up with them, and even praying with and ministering to a few as well. It's hard to believe that I only have two more drill weekends at the most before we leave for Ohio. (Since I'm still waiting to be paid for last month's drill, I might be able to get excused from next month's training, which would be worth the money lost in free time gained!)

Coming up this week is something I've wanted to do all my life, but have never been able to because of school and the military: jury duty. I'm off the hook for tomorrow, and I also don't have to report on Wednesday (thanks to California's fiscal fiasco which has led to mandatory furlough days for all State workers each month). But, I'm kind of hoping that I'm at least called into voir dire so that I can see first-hand the whole process of jury selection (but, I'm not hoping to be chosen, mind you, since I a trial that eats into my fall quarter at Fuller would force me to finish my degree in the winter quarter, hence moving my Army training to next summer!).

It's sad what jurors are paid, but it's nice to know that this country still believes in a jury of one's peers, however convoluted the process of actually selecting the jury members might be. I think there are so many things like this which are constantly taken for granted in our great Nation, but we're all so spoiled that we don't even realize that we're spoiled and taking it all for granted...

Regardless of what happens, we're learning to trust God with our timeline and the solution to all of our wondering about the next phase of our life. I've found that when I remind myself about my new "1% rule" of living, the world immediately looks more vivid and I feel more truly alive. Slowly I'm learning how to just live the last 1% of my life--maybe this is so effective because it's always true, no matter when I finally die. And, along these lines, I also find myself lately reflecting more on the fact that I'm truly already resurrected into eternal life. I don't need to fear my death from this body because I will not truly die then. I am already in Christ forever.

That's good news indeed.

--dmk

Buckeyes and Bobcats

2009-09-12T23:02:00.000-07:00

It was downright painful to watch the Buckeyes blow their lead over USC and once again lose "the big game" of the season at the Horseshoe. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, since this has been their M.O. as long as I can remember, leading to accusations from their opponents that they are overrated.

As an alum of Ohio University--the Bobcats, who are awful at football and most other sports except Beer Pong--you'd think that I'd care even less about a Buckeye loss, but they have always had (and probably always will have) a very special place in my heart since I grew up yelling at the TV every Saturday along with my Dad as we cheered on the men in Scarlet and Gray. There's always just been something about football in Central Ohio in the fall, and the couple of games I enjoyed in Ohio Stadium with Dad are among my most favorite memories (especially the Michigan game when we actually won).

Anyway, the good news I guess is that they got the loss out of the way early this year, so now they can go on and beat Penn State and Michigan...I hope?

Go Bucks: I'm only mad because I love you...you infuriating team, you. (And, Go Bobcats, too.)

--dmk

The Day That Changed America...and Me

2009-09-11T01:16:00.000-07:00

Eight years ago today was, of course, the day that our America changed in an instant. But it was also the day that changed my future in the Army.

That morning at Ohio University I got an IM from a friend who told me to turn on the TV, and I'll never forget the kind of dread I felt when she then typed "today is 911," along with the sense of helplessness as I watched the first tower crumble. I was also on the phone with my Mom, who was at work in Columbus, and I was trying to explain to her what I was seeing but had trouble finding the words. I just remember saying, "Mom, this changes everything."

I raced to get ready for class and I headed to the lounge in the ROTC building, where fellow cadets and cadre watched in disbelief as the second tower came down. Without having to say a word, we all knew that our lives as future military officers just became very, very different.

Just the week before, we senior cadets had sent in our "dream sheets" to Cadet Command to request our branch and duty station assignments for the following year when we would be commissioned as officers. Little did we know on the morning of 9/11 that the plane which crashed into the Pentagon had just hit the very offices which would process those requests, resulting in a significant delay in us receiving our assignments. In fact, it wasn't until about a month before commissioning when I received orders to the 25th Infantry Division in Hawaii, which had been my top choice; usually, cadets received these orders several months in advance.

Once I arrived at Fort Benning in the summer of 2002 to begin my infantry training, the war in Afghanistan was already in full-swing, and by this point it had become quite clear that Iraq wasn't going to be too far behind. Knowing that the 25th ID wouldn't be among the first units to deploy to combat, I traded my orders with a fellow 2LT who was headed to Fort Campbell and the 101st Airborne. (It took longer than you'd think to get rid of the Hawaii orders because so many guys wanted to be in XVIII ABN Corps, since we knew its divisions would be the first ones to deploy.)

When I finally made it to Iraq in 2003 as a rifle platoon leader, I had the good fortune to be mentored by a platoon sergeant who is from Staten Island, NY. His mother also works in one of the WTC buildings across the street from the twin towers, and she saw people plunging to their deaths outside her office window. This kept 9/11 fresh in our minds as we served (which was important to us, regardless of what the war in Iraq was or is actually about). I kept a picture handy during the deployment: a smiling, 18 year-old Dana standing atop the south tower of the WTC, taken by his cousin Greg in the summer of 1998. This was an eerie reminder that it could have been me who died on that awful Tuesday morning.

Say what you will about President George W. Bush--and, trust me, I have my own issues with certain decisions he made--the guy kept us safe for the last 7+ years of his presidency. I hope and pray that President Obama will be able to do the same. I am continually torn about our nation's new approach to foreign policy under his leadership, which I find to be brilliant in its hopefulness but simultaneously filled with risk because of its willingness to treat dictators and other international thugs as equals in the diplomatic process. I lost my naivete in Iraq as a young platoon leader, and I fear that much of that kind of misguided American optimism is what underlies the current Administration's approach to foreign relations.

At the same time, I remain hopeful and confident that our President will listen to the counsel of wise people like Secretary of Defense Gates and his generals on the ground in OIF and OEF. His decision to keep Secretary Gates on board during the transition from the Bush Administration has been one of great comfort and relief to our family, since we know we have at least one senior official who is competent and who genuinely cares about the troops and their families.

May the God of all creation continue to bless America and her leaders, especially during this difficult time in our history. May we as a people be just in our dealings with others, and may our Nation embody the kind of ethos which is pleasing to God when it comes to dealing with our own people and with our fellow humans across the globe. And, may those of us in uniform support our Commander-in-Chief and our Constitution in a way that brings honor to our Lord and Savior, the one in whom we place our true hope and trust during a lifetime of uncertainty about the future.

--dmk

Final Interview, Final Phase

2009-09-10T20:46:00.000-07:00

Today I sat with my district credentialing committee for the final time and answered their questions about my journey in seminary and the Army. I was accompanied by my senior pastor, Jeff, who has been my mentor throughout the past two years since I began this process.

The ordination trek began when I sent the committee a letter of intention and started working on a list of tasks which included writing a paper about my basic theological beliefs, taking part in multiple interviews, and completing various other items like personality and spiritual inventories, mission statements, etc. At times, it felt like the process would never end, but there were times when I really learned a lot about myself, about God, and about ministry itself.

One of the most helpful tasks I completed was a "life mapping worksheet," which consisted of a large piece of posterboard and a few dozen small post-it notes of different colors. At first I thought it was kind of hokey, but as I got my post-its organized with the people, experiences, strengths, weaknesses, and other elements of my life, some clear patterns were revealed. Most important among these patterns was the fact that in each phase of my life (usually a 3 or 4 year period), there have been 3 key people who influenced me or who were my closest friends and colleagues. In short, it has been the people in my life which has mattered the most to who I am.

All in all, it has been a good process, and I'm quite grateful to God and to all the people who have invested in me during this particularly challenging season of our lives. If there's a term that has jumped out at me over the last couple months, it has been "icing on the cake," meaning that anything I experience from this point forward is really more than I could have ever expected or hoped for. Most importantly, I'm a husband and a Dad--the two things I hoped for more than anything--but even more fundamentally than that, I'm saved by God's grace and I have nothing but eternity with him to enjoy as his child.

Assuming the district's pastors approve my ordination at their meeting on the 29th of this month, then I'll be ordained on Sunday evening, November 1st, at our congregation in Pasadena. This, along with my pending paperwork with the military to become a chaplain, will be the final pieces of God's calling upon our lives into the chaplaincy. When you hope and work for something for so long and it finally starts to arrive, it can be a bit disorienting; I confess that right now all of this feels kind of surreal. Thankfully, I've been through pre-transition periods like this one before and so I know that it's going to be this way much of the time as my mind prepares for the shift.

My hope and prayer at this point is that we will follow the Lord wherever he leads us--not only in the chaplaincy, but in life. I hope that we don't expect that he will somehow "go easy on us" in the next phase just because we feel like these three years in seminary were so difficult. If anything, our time in SoCal has proven that we can deal with a lot more challenges than we ever would have thought (or hoped).

A big part of me wants for us to start settling down in our 30s, buy a house while prices and interest rates are still low, and create more permanent roots in a community of people where we can give and receive God's love. But somehow I sense that it just isn't time for that yet, if indeed it ever will be. And, (proverbial slap on wrist here) that is a question for a future 1% of my life, but not this one. For now, it's time to focus on enjoying the remainder of our time in SoCal with the people whom God has blessed us with for this phase of our family's life.

Thanks, God, for all that you've done to provide for us here, and thanks for not giving up on us when we spent so much time complaining that it wasn't good enough. Give us the ability to follow you in faith, wherever you lead us in the future; but also, help us to enjoy these last three months in Pasadena. IJNA.

--dmk

9/9/09, By the Numbers

2009-09-09T20:26:00.001-07:00

* 400 miles in 9.5 hours, including 200 miles along PCH/Hwy 1

* 1 speeding ticket for doing 82 in a 65, with a fine of...(TBD?)

* 7,467 times Gavin said "stuck," "walk," or "up" (poor kid)

* 3 sighs of relief when we got home (and 52 barks from Buddy)

--dmk

From San Jose to Half Moon Bay

2009-09-08T20:31:00.000-07:00

Another great day in the Bay area.

We headed south to see Addie's new alma mater, San Jose State University, where she is working on an online master's degree in Library and Information Sciences. A beautiful campus and a nice town. We went to the bookstore and bought some SJSU gear since we'll probably never set foot on campus again.

On the way back to the hotel, we stopped by Golden Gate National Cemetery to pay our respects to SGT Mike Idanan of 1/33 CAV, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), KIA in Bayji, Iraq on 19 NOV 2005 when I was the unit's rear detachment commander. So glad we were able to do this.

I surfed for a short while and caught one wave, then joined Addie & Gavin by the pool and hot tub. A nice afternoon.

We had originally planned to go to the Giants/Padres game tonight at AT&T Park, but we were just too wiped out to go all the way back into town. So, we drove south to Half Moon Bay for dinner and ice cream. A nice evening.

Tomorrow we hope to see as much of Highway 1 as possible down the coast without boring Gavin to tears. It'll be good to get back home to poor Buddy.

This has been a great trip, and we're very thankful for this time to spend as a family.

--dmk

Kudos to San Francisco

2009-09-07T19:12:00.001-07:00

We just "did" San Francisco in six hours. Included on our tour were:

1) Golden Gate Park and Bridge

2) Lombard Street (the curvy one)

3) Trolley ride to Fisherman's Wharf

4) Ghirardelli Square & The Sea Lions

5) Sourdough Breadbowls & Clam Chowder

Not a bad day at all. A clean, safe, fun time with really nice people.

Kudos to you, San Francisco. More to come tomorrow.

--dmk

Off to Pacifica

2009-09-06T21:46:00.000-07:00

Today we braved 400 miles of road on I-5 to the San Francisco area, something we've been wanting to do since we came to California in late 2006. Since the clock is ticking (today makes 100 days left in SoCal), we knew this might be our last chance to get up and see some of NorCal.

After church, we hit the road and made some phone calls on the first half of the trip to let my family know that my ordination date has been (tentatively) set for Sunday, November 1st. Then we all pretty much zoned out for the next couple hundred miles of straight-and-level roadway. I'm always amazed at how much that stretch of road looks like Northwestern Iraq between Mosul and Sinjar. And, other than the headwinds that picked up considerably once we were north of Monterey, it was nice to be in cooler temperatures after a scorching August in L.A.

We made it into our room at the Best Western Lighthouse Inn just in time to watch the sunset from our mini-balcony. Well worth the trip already. We're looking forward to seeing a few of the sights over the next couple days and checking a few more items off our "California To-Do List."

God, thanks for the chance and the ability to get away for a couple days. Watch over us and give us a safe and fun trip so we can be refreshed and made ready to continue serving you. IJNA.

--dmk

Gadgets, Obamacare, and the Navy

2009-09-05T15:38:00.000-07:00

Three unrelated items, but all which require some Krull commentary (Krullentary?) today.

Gadgets: We got an Amazon Kindle this week so that Addie has a convenient way to download and read all the PDF files she has for her library science degree. We figured over the course of her studies, this gadget should pay for itself in saved ink, paper, and book costs. Not to mention the saved money in pleasure reading book costs themselves. The thing is pure genius. If you haven't seen an e-reader before, check it out for yourself: www.amazon.com/kindle. I doubt that old-fashioned books that you hold in your hands will ever go away, but I honestly think this kind of gadget is going to be as common as an iPod and cell phone within a few years as prices come down.

Obamacare: On the treadmill at the gym today I saw a CNN story about anti-Obamacare protests, with one of the camera shots showing a posterboard sign which read, "Hey Stupid, We Are a Christian Nation!" While I'm not a big fan of the President's proposed government take-over of all things medical in this country, might I offer my sign-waving friend a few thoughts:

1) If we're a "Christian" country, then I'm Willard Scott. Last time I checked, not a whole lot that goes on in the U.S. has much to do with God or the vision he tried to express for our world through his son Jesus Christ. Don't get me wrong; I love our country and I think we're doing a better job than the rest of the world in providing people with the kind of liberty that God intended for us. However, to call us a "Christian" country at this point in history is a bit absurd, in my humble opinion, given the depths of depravity we've mired ourselves in along with the general malaise among younger generations towards anything that even remotely smacks of the church or of "Christianity."

2) My Christian friend might consider not calling our President a name like "Stupid." I find this to be quite grade-schoolish, and I can think of a lot more mature ways of expressing informed dissent. Yesterday I read Patrick Henry's impassioned 1775 speech, "Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death" and was struck by the depth and clarity of our founders' ability to articulate dissent and a call to action in an intelligent, informed way. Not so these days: we've all bought into the methodology of mudslinging. Moreover, Christians aren't going to earn a better name for themselves as followers of Jesus (are the two the same?) if they continue to resort to this kind of tactic. There are more Christ-like methods, I think, than calling the leader of our Nation "Stupid."

Sure, Jesus was no wimp and he called people out in some pretty brash ways in his own time, but I don't think that our Nation being a "Christian" one has much to do with the healthcare debate. If anything, our being a nation of many Christians should lead us as God's people to work hard for better ways of insuring and caring for all of the people in our land, not just those of us who can afford to pay for health insurance. Clearly, the system is broken when a 2-hour ER visit for a urinary tract infection results in the hospital charging $4500 (our family's experience in July 2007--thank God we were able to afford the kind of HMO coverage that gave us a small $100 copay for such an ER visit). The system is indeed broken, but if the President's plan isn't the best idea (which I agree it is not), then how about we still advocate for a better way without calling him "Stupid"?

3) I fear that my friend has just confirmed every stereotype that's out there on the Left about who "Christians" are: angry, malicious, self-centered name-callers...in other words, just like everyone else in this country. I for one wish that reasonable people would sit down around a common table and get to know each other as people so that we all would stop the childishness which we use to cover up our ignorance on the issues. (Notice the use of 1st-person plural here, since I've been known to call certain leaders in Washington and Sacramento certain names too. I just try to keep those names off signs!) However, obviously in our polarized environment--where one Healthcare Town-Haller calls another "you f-ing whale," which happened to a lady from our church--that ain't exactly gonna be happening any time soon.

The bottom line: we should probably all try to grow up a little bit and start acting like adults.

The Navy: Today the midshipmen of Annapolis nearly knocked off the "Blessed Buckeyes," as I've now started calling them, at the Horseshoe in Columbus. (This time of year is the "holy season" in Central Ohio when the Bucks suit up to win every game but one critical matchup.) Don't get me wrong; I still love the Bucks, but I'm just not "in love" with them anymore. After you spend four years away from C'Bus at Ohio University in Athens, you realize that our friends at OSU are always a bit over-rated, even if they usually are a class act organization.

Anyway, I mention the Navy because Addie and I are considering as one possibility for our future in the chaplaincy to transfer to the Navy, since their chaplain ranks are short by several dozen right now, while the Army currently has an excess of chaplains. Who knows? I might end up being a Marine like my Dad after all...or, this could be yet another harebrained idea that I've come up with to give myself something to look forward to during the doldrums of seminary.

How's that for a hodge-podge post? And "Krullentary"...heh, maybe that can be the title of some future blog of mine if I choose to comment more frequently on politics and society.

--dmk

Praying Psalm 46:10

2009-09-04T00:11:00.000-07:00

I don't know where I learned this prayer technique, but for certain verses in the Bible it is an amazing way to pray God's Word. Fortunately, it works perfectly for my favorite verse in the Bible, and the one toward which I aspire the most to live as a child of God: Ps. 46:10.

The Scripture...

Psalm 46:10a (NIV), "Be still, and know that I am God."

The Prayer...

Be still, and know that I am God.

Be still, and know that I am.

Be still, and know.

Be still.

Be.

---------------------

God, above all else in my life, this is my prayer. Teach me to be still and know that you are God. Indeed, you will be exalted among the nations; you will be exalted in the earth! You, O LORD Almighty, are with us; you, O God of Jacob, are our fortress. Selah.

--dmk

A Decade After Dad

2009-09-03T00:05:00.000-07:00

Ten years ago tonight--just about this time, actually--I had just finished bowling for 3 hours with Clayton when the call came that Dad had finally died. 17 days prior, he had been taken to the hospital by ambulance on August 17, 1999 when he began having seizures due to the steroids which were keeping the swelling down around the tumor in his brain.

Dad spent the last two weeks of his life in the Palliative Care unit at Mt. Carmel West, and it was easily the longest and most difficult two weeks of my life at that point. We all coped in different ways; for my siblings and me (who were all suffering the loss of a "Dad," even though Dad was really their stepfather), coping meant going bowling and out to eat and basically making sure we didn't spend too much time at the hospital. For Mom, it meant daily and nightly routines of keeping watch at Dad's bedside, punctuated by walks down the hall to watch the street sweeper make its nightly rounds and the occasional rest in whatever place she could find to lay her head.

I used my old-school Army-issued sleeping bag on the floor of Dad's room, and I spent a lot of time in the small family room down the hall reading the Book of Job. The hospital chaplain, Ron Willmann (who, incidentally, is blind), stopped by frequently and given my present calling, it doesn't surprise me that we met Ron in those circumstances so I could see what "right" looks like for a chaplain.

There were solemn conversations--and yes, even laughter at times--over coffee in the nurses' break room a little further down the hall. Mom later donated a large new coffee maker for the staff there with a small engraved plaque with our family's name on it so that they would always know how much they had made a difference for us in those dark hours.

There's so much to write about that 6-week period from late July when Dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer until his death in the early morning hours of September 3rd. Maybe I'll write more about it sometime, but tonight all I can seem to do is just get some of it out to remember Dad and to journal some of this for my kids so they know more about their Grandpa Krull.

I don't think about Dad as much as it seems like I should, but now that I'm a Dad myself, I find that I think and act like him a whole lot. There are moments where I stop dead in my tracks and say, "Wow, that was so 'Mike'..." It's a very cool feeling, and it's probably the best way I have of feeling connected to him even though he's been gone for so long now.

Speaking of Dad's nickname (which just seemed to fit him so well), I always wanted to be called "Mike" (since my middle name is the same as his, "Michael"), but I never could because only Dad could really be "Mike." I am so grateful to Addie for agreeing with me that our son's middle name should be "Michael" so that even though he won't meet his Grandpa Krull in this lifetime, he'll be connected to him in a very important way.

I miss Dad. A lot. I miss golfing with him, and sitting on the breezeway with him talking about life and women and all that stuff that fathers and sons talk about. But I can't say that I have any regrets whatsoever with Dad, and that is what has made the past decade so bearable. Had it been any other way, I don't think I could have packed up and driven down to O.U. just hours after his funeral and headed off to class the next day. (Thankfully, in our last real conversation when I asked him what I was supposed to do, Dad told me, "You need to go back to school.")

Looking back at what God led me towards in my time as a Rear Detachment Commander during my unit's combat deployment to Iraq, and now as an Army chaplain candidate, I don't know how I would have done ministering to people in their times of loss if I had never really experienced the loss of an immediate family member myself. As awful as it was to lose my father to cancer, thank God I know enough from personal experience to just sit next to someone who is grieving and tell them you love them and dispense with all the cliche garbage that we use to fill the silence that makes us uncomfortable because deep down, we're afraid that a tragedy will one day strike us too.

In many ways, I have learned much about living a good life from Dad's death: namely, that it is important to live with no unfinished business with the people you love. If something needs to be said, then it's better to just go ahead and say it. I'm learning how to let there be a little bit of space (if, say, Addie and I have an argument, then we don't need to patch it up "right this minute" in case I get struck by lightning or something--I can wait a while and let her cool down and do some cooling down myself!). But this principle has become one that really defines much of how I try to relate to my family and friends. I want them to know how much they are loved, and I want to remain assured of their love for me.

But I also learned about dying a good death. Dad was really brave, and he died on his own terms. I'll never forget him saying in one of his delirious seizures as his heart was racing (I could feel it pulsing frantically as I immobilized his arms), "This is IT; there's nothing more natural in life than this, so I'm READY!" Looking back now on my own near-death heat stroke experience in August 2005, I can see that it was Dad's example that gave me the courage to pray in those moments and to trust God in the face of what I was certain was my pending death.

There really aren't words to describe what my Dad meant to me in life and in death. He was my best friend, and I count myself as incredibly blessed to be able to say that about my relationship with my father, because so many people can't. I honestly don't think I'd be anywhere close to the man I am today without my Dad--not that I've got it all together, of course, but I could never have dealt with college or combat or marriage or fatherhood or anything, really, without Dad's example.

As much as I wish Gavin could see and touch and know his Grandpa now--and as much as I blame Dad sometimes for his death at such a relatively young age, which could have been prevented by his not smoking for over 4 decades--I have much comfort in knowing that Dad is still here because he lives on in me by the lessons he taught me and the way he showed me to love people. And, even more comforting is knowing that Dad knew Christ as Lord, and so there will be all eternity for our family to spend together when we join him someday.

God, thank you for my earthly father and for all that he did for me and for Mom and for everyone else that he met. I thank you that Dad and I have no unfinished business, and I pray that I will be the kind of father to Gavin and our future children that Dad was to me. Give Mom and the rest of the family your peace today and always as we look forward to being with Dad again, and to being with you, our heavenly Father and Creator, forever. In Christ's Name, Amen.

--dmk

Army Paperwork

2009-09-02T09:31:00.001-07:00

I love the Army--51% of the time. There are times that I think the scales are going to tip the other way.

This could become one of those times if I choose to let it get to me. I'm putting together a packet for the chaplaincy board process this fall, and this mountain of Army paperwork bears a striking resemblance to the packet I did three years ago to become a chaplain candidate.

This makes we wonder why the Army can't just dig through its files and use the packet I already used once since I'm essentially resubmitting 90%+ of the same documents. I mean, I'm going to the Army's personnel website to access my file to print it out to scan it to send it in for the board, when it seems to me that the board could just pull up my file and see what's there for themselves.

Of course, that would make sense.

I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason why they need to see my commissioning documents again, along with my awards, officer evaluations, seminary acceptance letter, and a laundry list of other stuff that they could look at themselves. But apparently the Pentagon keeps this top-secret information on a "need to know" basis, and they don't think I need to know. I'm not going to ask, either, because I know what the answer will be: "That's just the way it is."

I'm still convinced that the Army makes the process of becoming a chaplain as inane as possible to see if we're really called by God to serve there or not. That's the only solution I can come up with that makes me feel better about the days of my life I'm losing to more Army paperwork.

Anyway, I'm off to jump through some more hoops for Uncle Sam. God is good, all the time, and all the time, God is good--even when the Army is frustrating.

--dmk

Violence in Joshua - Kings

2009-09-01T22:51:00.000-07:00

Below is my next to last theology-heavy paper in seminary. (Praise God.)

I really struggled with the concluding paragraph; I'm afraid it might sound like I think it doesn't ultimately matter if violence persists in the world because we're forgiven people who still make mistakes (i.e., "we're covered by grace, so it doesn't matter what we do"). Of course, Paul said that such a perspective is bunk (Rom 6:1-2), and I agree with him. I think it does matter how we act, because how we live as God's people is supposed to be a reflection of our covenant relationship with him. However, at the same time, we're redeemed sinners who can't pull ourselves out of our sin- (and violence-)laden predicament.

I suppose I could have just written something else to conclude the paper, but I really felt that the Gospel is so important for understanding Joshua - Kings in the bigger picture that I couldn't get away from it. Unfortunately, I was already 200 words over the word limit and was afraid that I'd start digging a hole I couldn't get myself out of if I tried to explain things more, and it's now an hour before the turn-in deadline, so I guess for now it'll have to go "as is."

As usual, I'm left wishing that we could figure out violence in a black-and-white way; unfortunately, from my own experience in combat, I know that a great deal of the time there is just a whole lot of gray.

--dmk

-----------------

Dana Michael Krull
OT502, Prophets
Dr. Goldingay
September 1, 2009

Covenants and Consequences: The Theology and Ethic of Violence in Joshua—Kings

As an Army chaplain candidate who is also a former infantry officer and a veteran of combat in Iraq, the question of violence is one that I confront often in my ministry with Soldiers and in my own reflections about God’s nature and activity in the world. Many vexing questions frequently come to mind: “How could a loving God allow so much bloodshed to occur in the Bible?” “How could God himself be a party to violence so many times in the Old Testament?” And, “Should God’s people engage in violence today?” All of these dilemmas are at the forefront of my calling to serve Soldiers and their families as an Army chaplain, so examining both the theology and ethic of violence in Joshua – Kings will surely be quite a useful exercise for my future ministry.

My thesis is that violence, whether done by humans or commanded by God, was always the consequence of the people’s unfaithfulness to God’s covenants with them. In order to evaluate this thesis, I will examine violence1 in Joshua – Judges, 1 – 2 Samuel, and 1 – 2 Kings in light of God’s covenants with his people and by considering the behavior of both God and Israel during the story. Then I will apply what has been found to the present world of violence in order to explore what my conclusions might mean for us in this era of God’s latest covenant in Christ.

Joshua – Judges

The Books of Joshua and Judges tell us about God’s attempts to fulfill his covenant to give his people the land he had promised, and the people’s repeated failures to obey his commands. The result was only a partial occupation of the land and an Israel at war with itself in addition to its many enemies. Violence occurred in these two books as a direct consequence of the people’s unfaithfulness. Whenever they did not fully obey God’s instructions, they became subject to his righteous wrath and bloodshed ensued. Conversely, when the people returned to God and asked for his help, he blessed them in accordance with what he had always promised to do for them.

In Joshua, the main example of this cycle of covenant and consequences was the sin of Achan, who took items from Jericho which were devoted to God (Josh 7:1). Consequently Achan and his entire family were completely destroyed, including all their livestock and possessions (7:16-26). But it was the entire people who really paid the price for what he had done, given that Israel’s failed attempt to take the city of Ai was the direct result of Achan’s unfaithfulness (7:10-12). However, by purging Achan’s sin from the community, Joshua was able to reengage and capture Ai (8:1-29). Even more important is that immediately after this victory, Joshua built an altar and sacrificed to God, he read the law of Moses to all the people, and they renewed the covenant together (8:30-35). Ostensibly because Israel had not repeated the mistake Achan made, all of God’s promises were fulfilled and they settled in the land (21:43-45). They then renewed the covenant again at the end of the book (24:1-29). Holding fast to the covenant was therefore central to the relative lack of violence under Joshua when compared to the following period.

Indeed, the trend did not continue into Judges. In spite of the angel’s admonition to Israel to uphold their part of the covenant (Judg 2:1-2), only two generations after Joshua’s death, they “did what was evil in the sight of the LORD and worshiped the Baals; and they abandoned the LORD…and they provoked the LORD to anger” (2:10-12).2 As a result, he “gave them over to plunderers who plundered them” (2:14). A cycle of repeated disobedience and violence then ensued, in spite of God’s many efforts to send the people judges to deliver them from the mess which they had created for themselves. When judges were present, Israel had victory and God had pity on his people; but when the judge died, they sinned again (2:18-19) and it was because of the covenant that God was so hot with anger and stopped driving out foreigners (2:20-21).

In this context, even great leaders were not able to break the cycle of violence by being obedient. This was because either they themselves or the people who succeeded them did not maintain the obedience. For example, within a generation after Deborah’s victory over Sisera, Israel again did evil and so God allowed the Midianites to conquer them (5:31-6:10). Also, unlike the repentance exhibited by Joshua, Gideon followed his victory with idolatry (8:27). Thus, “as soon as Gideon died, the Israelites relapsed and prostituted themselves with the Baals…[and] did not remember the LORD their God, who had rescued them from the hand of all their enemies on every side” (8:31). Gideon’s son Abimelech then killed dozens of his brothers in an attempted power-grab for the throne (Judg 9). Indeed, unlike the close of the Joshua narrative, at the end of Judges the covenant is not mentioned at all. Instead we learn that, “all the people did what was right in their own eyes” since they had no king (21:25). Surely this must explain why there had been so much violence in the first place; had the people simply listened to God, it would not have been needed.

1 – 2 Samuel

The lack of a king also set the stage for the ensuing narrative in 1 – 2 Samuel, when God again tried to establish his people in their new land through the monarchy which they demanded. In spite of Samuel’s warnings, the people insisted on having a king and so God finally gave them one (1 Sam 8:19-22). When Samuel anointed Saul as king, he told him, “you will rule over the people of the LORD and you will save them from the hand of their enemies all around” (10:1). However, Saul’s failure to obey God had tragic consequences for the people he was supposed to be saving. Indeed, Saul became the archetype of the disobedient monarch which would follow in Israel for generations to come. Saul’s foolish offering at Gilgal led Samuel to prophesy an end to his kingdom (13:8-14) and then, in spite of his ensuing victories, Saul spared the Amalekite king and took forbidden booty (15:8-9) in direct disobedience to God’s command (15:3). He even “set up a monument for himself” (15:12). Although Saul realized his sin and worshiped God (15:24, 31), God rejected him and told Samuel to anoint David as king (16:1-13). As a result, “the spirit of the LORD departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the LORD tormented him” (16:14).

Saul thus began a downward spiral of jealousy, paranoia, fear and violence. He threw spears at David twice (1 Sam 18:11) and even at his own son Jonathan (20:33). Then he unsuccessfully tried to have David killed in battle (18:25). Because of Saul’s erratic and dangerous behavior, David was forced to flee (21:10). Also fearing that the priests had turned against him, Saul then wickedly ordered their slaughter along with the entire city of Gibeah (22:17-19), which would eventually result in a three-year famine during David’s ensuing reign (2 Sam. 21:1). Although David nobly spared Saul’s life twice (see 1 Sam. 24, 26), Saul eventually died in battle with his sons (31:1-7), just as the spirit of Samuel had prophesied would happen the night before (28:18-19). Thus David became king over all of Israel (2 Sam 5:1-3), and he enjoyed an initial victory over the Philistines (5:17-25). At first he seemed to react to the victory like Joshua and not Saul, for he brought the ark into Jerusalem, danced, made offerings, and blessed the people (6:12-19). Then God made another covenant with David (7:12-17), promising him that his “throne shall be established forever” (7:16), which was followed by even more victories for David (2 Sam 8, 10).

However, even though he had been called a “man after [God’s] own heart” (1 Sam. 13:14), David too chose the path of disobedience just as Saul and so many other leaders had done, which led to a great deal of death and violence. Shortly after the new covenant from God, David’s adultery with Bathsheba and his murderous treachery with Uriah resulted in the death of the child he had fathered with Bathsheba (1 Sam 12:15b-19). David’s own example of lust and murder (read: disobedience to covenant) spread to his subsequent children, for when Amnon raped his sister Tamar, Absalom avenged her by killing Amnon (2 Sam 13). Ostensibly because David was unwilling to purge Amnon’s sin from his household (13:21; compare to Joshua and Achan), a war was kindled between David and Absalom in the ensuing chapters. The violence culminated with Absalom’s death and David’s bitter lament over the loss of yet another son (2 Sam 18). Once again, even a great leader who was chosen by God to aid his people did not listen. And, once again, violence resulted from this unfaithfulness to God’s covenant. Yet in spite of the many sordid affairs in 1 – 2 Samuel, it was God’s covenants with David and Israel that kept him from utterly rejecting Israel, even when its monarchs continued to sin against him in 1 – 2 Kings.

1 – 2 Kings

The story of God’s people continued into 1 Kings with a glimmer of new hope in David’s son Solomon, whose wisdom and favor surpassed that of anyone on earth (1 Kgs 4:29-34, cf. 10:23). He even rightly built the Temple and dedicated it with prayer and sacrifices (1 Kgs 8). God then told Solomon that if he would follow in the ways of his father David, then God would fulfill his covenant with David, but if he would not, then Israel would be cut off (9:1-14). Unfortunately, Solomon’s love for foreign women led him to worship their gods (11:1-13), so God again raised up enemies against Israel (11:14-25). Then Jeroboam rebelled against Solomon, and all but one of the tribes of Israel were then given to Jeroboam by God (11:25-32) along with an opportunity to reap great benefits by following the covenant God had established with David (11:39). Indeed, it was only for the sake of David and Jerusalem that God spared even the one tribe for Solomon (11:32, 36) and that he promised to “punish the descendants of David, but not forever” (11:39). In all of this, God remained true to his covenant with David as he continued giving his people a way to be saved from their violence-filled circumstances.

Yet the antipathy between Solomon and Jeroboam led to a huge fissure as the northern tribes seceded under Rehoboam (12:1-19). Then Jeroboam—far from adhering to God’s offer of his covenant with David—set up golden calves (1 Kgs 12:25-33), and this would be catastrophic for many generations of kings to come when they refused to reverse what he had done. Out of the dozens of kings who succeeded Jeroboam, only seven did what was “right in the sight of the LORD” (Asa, 1 Kgs 15:9-15; Jehoshaphat, 1 Kgs 22:41-50; Amaziah, 2 Kgs 14:1-22; Azariah, 2 Kgs 15:1-7; Jotham, 2 Kgs 15:32-38; Hezekiah, 2 Kgs 18ff.; and Josiah, 2 Kgs 22ff.). And of these seven, only Hezekiah and Josiah actually followed through with God’s full intent of destroying the foreign gods in the people’s midst, while the other five kings each let the pagan practices to remain. Amid so many consecutive reigns of kings doing evil as the story trudged on, God did not fail to uphold his promises to his people; because of the original covenant with Israel, he continued to save them (13:23, 14:27). God also persistently continued to warn the people through his prophets to turn from their wickedness and follow his law and covenant, but they would not listen (17:13-14). Therefore, God was again “very angry with Israel and removed them out of his sight; none was left but the tribe of Judah alone” (17:18). Yet in the end, even Judah itself would be violently carried off because of the continued disobedience of the kings.

Indeed, the people became so rotten in God’s sight that even after Hezekiah’s faithfulness, the Babylonian exile was still prophesied to happen (2 Kgs 20:16-18) and even after Josiah’s sweeping reforms, the exile finally occurred (2 Kgs 24-25). Clearly, the evil of Hezekiah and Josiah’s successors did not encourage God to change his mind on the matter. Hezekiah’s son Manasseh and grandson Amon both turned the people back to worshipping Baal (ch. 21), and Manasseh also “shed very much innocent blood, besides the sin that he caused Judah to sin so that they did what was evil in the sight of the LORD” (21:16). Consequently, even after Josiah’s reforms, “Still the LORD did not turn from the fierceness of his great wrath…because of all the provocations which Manasseh had provoked him” and because of this, God would allow even Judah to be carried off like Israel (23:27, 24:10). Then, after Josiah died in battle, his successors Jehoahaz, Jehoiakim, Jehoiachin, and Zedekiah each did evil in God’s sight (23:28-24:19). Thus, “Jerusalem and Judah so angered the LORD that he expelled them from his presence” (24:20).

Covenants and Consequences: Then and Now

The cycle of violence in Joshua – Kings was clearly the consequence of relentless disobedience by God’s people toward his intentions for them as expressed in his covenants. Yet, in spite of all of the “fierceness of his great wrath” (2 Kgs 23:26), by which the exile was ultimately allowed to happen, God has never failed to follow through on the promises that he made to his people in his various covenants. After all, God still delivered his people from Babylon back into the land he had promised them (cf. Ezra 1-2), he did establish David’s throne forever by his son Jesus Christ (cf. Luke 1:32), and his people are now “exceedingly numerous” as he promised at Gen 17:7.

It seems clear that if the people of Israel had only listened to God from the beginning of the story, there would have been no need for the ensuing centuries of debacle after violent debacle. When mistakes were made, if they simply would have done what Joshua did and returned to God immediately by purging the sin from their midst, then surely the ensuing waves of bloodshed could have been averted. Unfortunately, however, in generation after generation, the leaders of Israel led their people astray and gave God plenty of reasons to remove them from his presence. Yet God persistently remained committed to the people for the sake of his covenants with them.

Therefore, in response to the questions which I posed to myself at the outset of this essay, it seems that our loving God allowed so much violence to take place in the story of his people because of the people’s actions, not because of any pleasure he found in bloodshed and battle. Indeed, the wickedness among his people was so great that it left God with no real choice in the matter. After all, he had covenanted with Noah that he would never again destroy the whole earth by a flood (Gen. 9:1-17), so he could either use the loophole to destroy the earth in some other fashion like fire, or he could work with the situation given to him by the people whom he loved. In so doing, God was demonstrating that he is a God of infinite commitment to his people, not a quitter. Indeed, had he chosen to destroy everything, he would have reneged on his covenant with Abram to make him the father of many nations (Gen. 15). Therefore, in response to my second question: God was himself a party to violence so many times in Joshua – Kings precisely because he is the God who upholds his covenants with his people, and because he had no other choice in order to see his promises fulfilled when faced with all of Israel’s rampant disobedience.

This brings me to the most difficult of my three questions: “Should God’s people engage in any kind of violence today?” Indeed, our world in 2009 is filled with more violence than ever, with no shortage among God’s own people in both Israel and Christendom. Given all that has been shown above, the simple lesson for us is that when we see violence taking place in our own day, it is always the consequence of our human failure to uphold the kind of standard toward which God has called us in Christ. Violence is, simply put, the worst-case scenario. Although God may still choose to work through violent means to accomplish his purposes, it is only because we in humanity have forced his hand in the matter. When we continue to consistently reject the kind of kingdom-oriented focus which God revealed as his will for us through his son, we are sowing the seeds of even more bloodshed and pain for both ourselves and for the generations who follow us. After all, it was never God’s will for violence to be a part of our world when he created it, but we brought it on ourselves at the Fall (Gen 3). That fateful choice has led to violence from Cain’s murder of Abel in Genesis 4 all the way through the biblical narrative and into the present day.

In spite of the persistence of humanity’s disobedience toward God and the violence which continues to result, the “good news” is that God has given us a new covenant of our own: that he will save us if we simply believe in his son whom he sent. When we hold fast in obedience to this latest covenant through faith in Christ, we are promised a final, eternal deliverance from our fallen world of sin and violence. As we seek to follow the example which Christ set for us, we should do all we can to avoid taking up the sword, for it represents our failure to take up our cross. But in those situations where violence cannot be avoided, fortunately we can be assured of God’s faithfulness to fulfill his covenant with us in Christ in the same way he has been faithful from the beginning. This does not mean that we are "off the hook" when it comes to violence (or anything else for that matter), but God is simply the God of grace. Therefore, as we work toward a more Christ-like ethic and make choices with the free will he has given us, we must realize that we cannot ever achieve peaceful circumstances through our own power in a world so full of sin.

Moving at the Speed of Time

2009-08-31T07:46:00.000-07:00

90 days ago I was getting ready for a crazy June, an even crazier July, and a more-reasonable-but-still-crazy August.

As expected, it's been quite a hectic ride. On the other hand, it went faster than I thought it would and this reveals once again that time seems to move faster the faster you're moving.

(This is an interesting thought, considering that the laws of physics say the opposite: the faster you move, the slower time actually moves for you compared to the rest of the universe. Hence, if you travelled near the speed of light for a year, when you got back from the trip, everyone you knew would have long since died!)

I think this casts new light on our term "quality time." It seems like we use this term to mean any period when we've really enjoyed ourselves, or when our time was well-invested in a person, a project, or a place. But based on our perception that time seems to move faster the faster you're moving, maybe "quality time" should really mean "time when we slow down our movement and therefore the time itself seems to slow down too."

(I have no idea if any of this makes any sense whatsoever!)

God, thanks for the time you bless us with. Please help us to enjoy the time we have and to move slower when we can so that we can enjoy the time even more. IJNA.

--dmk

Some Goals for This 1%

2009-08-30T01:16:00.000-07:00

Over the next 108 days, I'd like to work on the following five areas:

1) Resume blogging at least one entry per week.

2) Continue to handwrite in my journal each day.

3) Train for a marathon & a 25-mile foot march.

4) Spend more quality time with Addie & Gavin.

5) Focus on enjoying this 1% (not the next %s).

I think these are reasonable, achievable goals for this fall.

God, I give these goals to you and ask that you would help me to work toward them but also to always remember that you love me regardless of how well I do at anything. Bless our family with the power of your Holy Spirit, and use us to be a blessing to the others around us. IJNA.

--dmk

One Percent at a Time

2009-08-29T04:30:00.001-07:00

"It's 4:30 a.m. on a Tuesday..."

Wait, make that "Saturday." (Sorry, Counting Crows: I tried.)

After a caffeine-boosted six-hour session of typing one of the two remaining theology papers left in my M.Div degree, I tried to hit the sack for some much-needed shuteye.

Alas, it was not meant to be, for as I reflected on my daily countdown until the end of seminary, I realized that this upcoming period would be the next 1% of my life, based on the number of days I'll have lived on December 15, 2009, when we depart the Pasadena area for greener pastures.

Although Addie is still asleep, and as of yet she knows nothing of this new adventure, I can already see her eyes rolling when I tell her about it when the sun comes up. I don't care if she does; I love her dearly. I think I've finally found what I'm looking for. (Are you jealous, Bono?)

All obnoxious musical references aside, I'll get to the point: I'm a numbers freak, I freely admit it. Ever since I was a kid, I've been fascinated by number patterns like the Fibonacci sequence or Pi, and the way math shows up in nature like the Golden Mean or the cosmic order of the universe from galaxies down to subatomic particles.

Not that I'm good at math, mind you; I just love numbers. And somewhere along the line, I started the whole "countdown" thing. I think it was when I had braces in high school and I numbered the sheets on a post-it pad from 104 to 1, with each post-it representing one week that I had to wear those awful contraptions. Every Thursday, I eagerly tore off the next sheet and smiled a big metallic grin in anticipation of the day of my dental deliverance.

It got worse when I joined the Army and I learned to say "__ days and a wakeup" for the number of days remaining in whatever training event where I found myself--because, of course, it's psychologically easier to say you have one lower number than the actual number of days left, you see. Example: 109 days left in seminary = "108 and a wakeup." (Hey, when you're starving and frozen on the side of some mountain in the middle of nowhere, every little bit helps!)

At some point I bought a fascinating book called "Sacred Number and the Origins of Civilization," and the brilliant author (whose name I of course don't remember) demonstrated how numbers have always been representative of certain things throughout human history with reference to the planets, mythology, the alignment of sacred sites throughout Europe, etc. (You know, all that Dan-Brown-Da-Vinci-Code stuff with the Rose Meridian and whatnot.)

Then, while I was bored in class at Fuller one day, I figured out that I was coming up on my 10,000th day of life in early July 2007. This was around the time that our son Gavin was due, so I was really hoping that he would be born on that day because I thought, "How cool and cosmically-ordered would it be if I became a Dad on my 10,000th day of life?" Well, the kid decided to wait around until July 20th, but it was close enough (if you round it off, of course).

Anyway, so now we're back to this, the 10,777th morning of my life ("oooh, how cool is *that*? it's got lots of 7's in it!!!")...(all mocking of myself aside, that is kind of cool, right?)...ANYWAY, I got to thinking that this would be a cool way to blog about my life, given that for the last couple of years I've been consumed by a mid-(or quarter- or third- or whatever-)life crisis as I've gone through the spiritual meat grinder of seminary.

Feeling more and more overcome with the mantra of "Meaningless! Meaningless!" in Qoehelet (that's fancy-schmancy seminary-speak for Ecclesiastes), I've been struggling for some time now to figure out what God wants me to do with the rest of my "meaningless" life, however long it might be. Sadly, I've spent so much time these past couple years worrying about the "big picture" that I've really faltered in my ability to enjoy the current phase of my life.

And a good phase it's been, too: the birth of our beloved son and watching him grow, time spent catching waves on the Pacific, gazing at the sunrise and sunset on the mountains up the road from our house every day, eating oranges straight from the tree on our back porch, getting the chance to wrestle with questions of God and life in a safe environment surrounded by friends. These, and many more.

All too often, however, I've been prone to complain about the hard parts of this season: days like yesterday, when it was over 100 degrees outside with wildfires burning all over the place and raining ash down on our tiny bungalow which heats up like an oven this time of year, even with the A/C running. "Boo-hoo!" "Woe is me!"...yadda yadda. I've tried hard to not allow these kinds of small things to gang up on me, and I do honestly try to avoid theatrics, but I am a bona fide professional drama king and so I've blown all the bad stuff way out of proportion quite a bit.

So, this blog is a fresh start: it's a commitment to live life not just "today," because we all know that realistically you can't "live like you're dying"--at least, not all the time. (Apologies of course to Tim McGraw: we still love the song anyway, and it's still got truth in it.) After all, if all time were special, then none of it would be.

On the other hand, I'm not going to get all caught up in "what I'm supposed to do with my life," as if God has one grand goal for me to reach at some faraway pinnacle in the future that I need to labor and pine for. Sure, I'll still think about the future beyond the next 1%, but I just won't make that my focus anymore.

Instead, I'm commiting to live life one manageable chunk at a time. Right now, 1% of my life is about 109 days. That's not very long, but it's not like it's very short, either. I like the thought of always living the "last 1% of my life"--somehow, this doesn't seem as pressure-filled and overwhelming as "living each day like it's my last." Conversely, this isn't so long of a period that I can't set some reachable goals for myself to become a better person a little bit at a time.

I can feel that familiar old friend of mine, Mr. Perfectionist, starting to ease back a bit in my head. If I can just live this next 109 days well, then maybe I'll be ready for whatever the next 1% holds. As my Uncle Bob so brilliantly told me nearly a decade ago as I faced a future that was eerily similar in its lack of clarity: "God's word is a lamp unto our feet, and a light unto our path; but do you know how much a lamp on a dark path lights up? Only the next step or two..."

So, here's to living the next 109 days of my life the best I can. With God's help and a healthy dose of humor, I think it's going to be a great 1%.

God, before you formed me in the womb, you knew me, and you had plans to take care of me and not to harm me. So, I thank you for the 99% of my life that's already passed, and I give the next 1% to you. All of it. The timelines, the homework, the sermons, the Army paperwork, the family time, the crying and the rejoicing...all of it. Give me courage by your Holy Spirit to live this 1% as you would have me to live it. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

--dmk